Tags: #bodyboop, anorexia, anorexia recovery, body boop, bulimia, bulimia recovery, eating disorder, eating disorder recovery, eating disorder treatment, eating disorders, ED, ED recovery, edrecovery, holidays, mental health, recovery
It’s easy for me to just move through a holiday season, enjoying time with my husband and my family, but every now and then, I’m reminded that 11 years ago in December, I was at my wit’s end in a dorm room. I was trying to decide whether or not I had it in me to save my own life. I cried with my mom on the phone, we made the decision that I would go to treatment again, and I fell asleep with music on. I woke up the next morning to the song “Boston” by Augustana, and then later that week, I was matched to a treatment center in Boston that had a bed open for me.
The women I met in that treatment center are doing amazing things in the world. We have survived, graduated, begun careers, written books, healed others, provided hope, entered healthy significant relationships, and some of us have had babies.
None of this would be possible without recovery. NONE OF IT. I have to remind myself that, yes, I ate whatever I wanted yesterday – Lebanese cookies, holiday drinks, chocolates – without a worry in the world.
However, it took a lot of hard work and still requires maintenance to be able to do this. Some of you just beginning your recovery journey may look at me and think that it’s impossible or think that I’m just one of the lucky ones. I’m here to tell you that it is hard, heart-wrenching, excruciating work, and it comes with a lot of tears and breakups and vulnerability and co-pays and side effects.
But recovery is possible. It is. I’m living proof, and my recovery journey is far from perfect. I am in individual counseling and couples counseling, working through my control issues with food and exercise on a regular basis.
A happy holiday break is one of the many gifts I get in recovery, but it was very possible not so long ago that I wouldn’t have been here. I would not have this marriage or this house or this puppy or any of the daily blessings I enjoy.
If you needed a reminder that you can do it, this is it. So go do it. And don’t hesitate to get in touch with me with questions at firstname.lastname@example.org or in the comments here.